whoa! it has been a long time since i blogged. anyway, i am feeling kinda depressed these days. dunno why. but i cant get this feeling out . :(
well then, i should start spilling out to u to relieve myself...
these past few days, i start to feel and think that i am useless. I start to pity myself (Well i know it is not a good thing. and i know that i should just keep moving forward and forget my past and start focusing my future..but i cant..ive tried hard..seriously)
I cant do anything useful. i think i am a burden to everyone near me. (those of u (esp-->ryu) who r reading this might think that this would be so untrue but actually it is..) I have done so many mistakes this year. the mistakes this year are uncomparable compared with the previous year. i have never done so many mistakes in my whole entire life!!
first of all...
due to the talent show held by my school. i have become so bossy. i am very sorry to all the props team! i am very very sorry.. i know u all (except for some ) cant say or complain directly @ my face coz u guys just dont wanna make me feel bad.. thank u for very considering my feelings..and i am very sorry to all of u!
MAN! saying sorry directly is very hard! Im such a COWARD!
then..
for the talent show, we should stay back till 4. well, there is one day when the teacher told us to stay back till 4 without informing us first. we were not allowed to go home. and so my maid was waiting for me for an hour! urgh! then back @home, my mom scolded me. i know it was basically my fault for not informing her by calling first. urgh! how can i be so stupid!!!!! urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
and now my mom is ignoring me. she doesnt reply when i say sth to her!
moreover, to make matters worse, i fell asleep yesterday without even telling her that today is a holiday and that i no need to come to school!!!!!!! im so foolish!!!! (i really feel like crying now!!!! but my tears wont come down! whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!)
it has been 3 days that she ignores me....i dunno what to do.. God help me!!!
and you know that she has ignored me twice due to different reasons this year!!! and the first incident happened just a few months ago!!! what kind of daughter am i!
and everytime she is mad ,she keeps on threatening me that she wont send me to design school which really discourages me so muchhhhh...
*Sigh*
i dont know what to do rite now! i cant think! and i think that im becoming dumber day by day!!!
secondly..
i feel that i have got no talent @ all! i am really sorry God of saying this.. I know that you have blessed each and every child of urs with a special talent.. but i dunno that design or drawing is my talent..
well i have seen that many others can draw really well with lotsa practice..
how come i can be discouraged so easily?? T_______________________T
i think thats it..i have spilled my gut too much..thanks for listening/ reading whatever... : )
Saturday, October 30, 2010
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